Why look at addiction from a family system, I will tell you why?
Families love each other, learn to grow together and bond as a family unit the best they can with what they have. We learn what we learn based on our beliefs about the world and what we live we learn, what we learn we practice, and what we practice we become. Family interactions define us in ways that get carried on to our children and then so on and so on… But where there is knowledge there is power. I today believe that my knowledge has made me love my family more and help me stop the patterns of who I was and who I am as a person in relation to being a parent. Lots of lessons along the way! My kids have also changed the system by experiencing life in a new pair of glasses. We are fortunate today that awareness and self development can change the world.
I have many memories from a young age that the family I had was built on love and more love and my mothers death took its toll on us all. My dad did the best he could with six kids to love and care for us through this critical event that affected us all in different ways based on many variables. My Aunts and Uncles and cousins were there for us all. Where we were in age, identity, emotional well being and many more factors impacted how the world was without her and we learned how to grieve in many different ways and mine were not good. I fear death very much and worry too much and work very hard today to be more centered in faith.
Looking back at my life , today I can see how looking at it from a family system, the mobile was shifted and we could not all deal with our future lives the same way we did before this huge loss.
Today in my practice I help families learn how they see the world from a family system and what is great about that and what is needing attention.
“Family Systems therapy is a form of therapy that helps individuals resolve their problems in the context of their family units, where many issues are likely to begin. Each family member works together with the others to better understand their group dynamic and how their individual actions affect each other and the family unit as a whole. One of the most important premises of family systems therapy is that what happens to one member of a family happens to everyone in the family.” Sibling position describes the tendency of the oldest, middle, and youngest children to assume specific roles within the family due to differences in expectation, parental discipline, and other factors. For example, older children may be expected to act as miniature adults within the family setting. These roles may be influenced by the sibling position of parents and relatives.
I help families everyday address the loved ones addiction but I would not be doing a great service to not help the family see the work as a family to the success of the person getting help. The best outcomes for the families I work with is to help facilitate change by all members and this really helps the addicted member see that it is not all their work to do to become a healthy family unit. It lessons the shame of the individual and the family carries a great synergistic impact on seeing the healing as a families work to do.
LOVE is a powerful tool