On the third day of Christmas….
When I think of what the word freedom means to me, I immediately think of my favourite line in the serenity prayer. “Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways”. My past ways were the very opposite of freedom. I was merely existing and not really living. I got wrapped up in a lifestyle that kept me prisoner to my ever progressing disease of addiction for a very long time. It was the perfect way to hide my drug and alcohol problem because it was not only accepted it was also often encouraged and of course the “easy” money that came along with it kept me from hitting a financial bottom. However, the money was anything but “easy” and the rock bottom I DID hit in my eyes was far more painful and worse as I may have had material “things” but I had no self worth, no ability to look another human in the eye, no self esteem, no respect, no dignity, no trust from my family, no love for myself what-so-ever and basically no soul – I was an empty shell of myself. I had lost my freedom and was a slave to a high paced lifestyle as it was all I knew and it fed my disease. I had tried to quit multiple times and after 7 years in and out of recovery, taking my own life seemed to be the only way to get free from my addiction. By the grace of God I survived my attempt at ending my life, yet the guilt and shame kept me running. It wasn’t until January 19th 2016 that I was given the gift of desperation and finally willing to change EVERYTHING! Today I do whatever it takes to stay free from my addiction. Today I have a sponsor who works the 12 steps with me and who herself has achieved freedom from addiction and freedom from self. Today I work with other women daily, I share with them what was so freely was given to me… that being the message that they are worthy and capable of living a life free from drugs and alcohol. Today I use my dark past to bring light to others. Today I love my life and I love MYSELF! Today I am FREE!
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