Story 20/25 Survivor: Veronica Muniak
From a young age all I ever wanted was to be loved. I struggled with fitting in and with learning the true meaning of love.I would come up with my own ideas of what the word meant; I would search for it in others more than in myself. Seeing as I was so lost and confused I discovered ways to “cope”. I would endulge in eating disorders, cutting, burning and would not tell a soul about it. Then the drugs and alcohol came. Then the men and women.. i would do anything for anyone to love me. Eventually I found myself in recovery, I would connect with people on a deeper level and I got into a relationship. At three months clean I became pregnant. This was it.. I would finally love something so much and it would love me unconditionally. During my pregnancy I discovered i needed more help then just being clean and sober. I needed to take care of my body and health around my eating disorder. While starting to discover more about myself I started realizing that I still had a lot of work to do on myself. I was scared and I knew deep down that I was not ready to be a mother as my thinking was still centered around “coping”. I knew I could not abort my baby and that I wanted to give him the best life he deserves. I went through the process of adoption and this was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. I would talk to people and hear experiences, I would listen to children who have been adopted. I knew my adoption experiences would be open. I suffered.. I hurt a lot during the nine months, but I met a family. An amazing family that I could only wish for for myself. My beautiful baby boy now has a beautiful family. Today I watch him be raised by this couple, I watch him grow into a human while I grow up as well. This was the hardest and best decision of my life. The days I wanted to give up I remembered I have purpose. Today not only do I survive but I persevere and get to see this baby boy grow up.
I have been clean since September 10, 2013, I gave birth on September 16, 2014 and we are both healthy and happy.
Today I know what love means, love is unconditional and not putting self first. Love is learning, growing and being a better person. Love is internal and never ending. I will forever be the tummy mummy and he will be my inspiration and love.